Monthly Archives: February 2013

fitter. happier. more productive.

I’ve had this blog for a little over a month now. I’m starting to really feel better. I know I keep saying this but even though I haven’t lost much weight I’ve lost inches and have changed my attitude. Working out isn’t a chore, as much as I complain about it. Working out makes me feel great. It makes me worry less about how I look, believe it or not. When you’re overweight and you don’t love how you look I can guarantee it’s all you think about. You wonder if people are judging you for how fat you are or what you’re wearing. You worry about how you look sitting down. You worry about what you’re eating. You cry. Or at least that’s what it was like for me. Before I started this I would avoid mirrors, stare at thin people, stare at fat people, suck in my stomach, wear multiple layers to hide my gut, etc. But the main thing is I would think about weight all day long.

The most personal thing I’m willing to admit here is that I’ve cried a lot about weight. I’ve spent a lot of nights really upset at myself and how much I weigh. There’s no one you can blame for how you look except yourself (and genetics if I’m being really technical). Eating disorders almost sound plausible when you’re as upset about weight like I was. When I was younger I’d wish I could follow through with anorexia. I even thought I could do it for like a year and then stop doing it and be thin. I never tried it though, I knew I would be found out immediately. Food is a big deal when you’re Italian. Meals are the primary things a family does together. I would only be able to be anorexic for about 2 days before someone would have noticed I wasn’t eating. So I just kept crying. Every few months I would get worked up enough about how I looked that I would just sit in bed at night and sob.

The times when the crying stopped for long periods are the times I was going to the gym daily. I can remember this happening a total of 4 times over 10 years. With about 2 years of crying time in between my bouts of working out. Now I’m not saying I cry everyday, or even every week. I’d cry once every maybe 5 months or so. But they were really serious cries. I would lament how depressing clothes shopping is when you’re overweight. I would be mad that I love food for much. Eventually the tears would turn to laughter. I’m not good at being serious or seriously upset for very long periods. So I wasn’t a skinny minnie, so what! I had a great life, I would realize, I just have to stop quitting on what I’m trying to accomplish. Get a hobby, I would say to myself. Stop coming home from work and sitting around not doing anything and then crying about it later on.

I would always start off so motivated and then around the 2-3 month mark I would quit. I’ve gone through so many gym buddies, gyms, diets, routines. I’m like a fitness slut. I will try anything to lose weight but I’ll move on the first sign it’s working. Quitting happens because the changes start and I start thinking Oh I’m doing great, I don’t need to work out any more. Big mistake. Fitness is a lifestyle, a really annoying lifestyle you wish didn’t have to happen. If I’m serious about losing the weight I want to lose (around 50 pounds) I have to commit to working out and portion controlling myself for at least a year. And then maybe forever. It sounds awful, but it’s making a big difference in how I see myself and it’s only been 4 weeks.

I realized today that I’m not thinking about weight as much any more. Every 5th thought isn’t “I sure do look bad because I’m fat” and a mental change is exactly what I should have been working towards in the first place. As didactic as this will sound, you gotta love yourself. You gotta be happy with your efforts. You gotta stop letting yourself off the hook at the same time you stop putting blinders on to how you really feel. Admitting I was fat was key. Admitting I still liked myself was, well, more key. Being thin isn’t going to change me, it’s just going to make be a little bit less stressed when I go into a clothing store. Working at fitness every day frees up my mind from constantly dwelling on how big I think my stomach looks because I know I’m working at it.

No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping every single person who stayed on the couch.

I can tell you I haven’t cried once since I started this blog. I’m calling that progress. Not once in 2 months have I gotten so down on myself that I’ve teared up. I don’t want to quit in 2 months. I want to keep trying, and keep being fitter. happier. more productive.

I like where I see myself going. 1 pound at a time. 1 work out at a time. 1 happy thought at a time.

Thanks for reading my blog for a month, blog readers. Keep encouraging me! I definitely have felt the love.

thanks

 

February 27, 2013

25/30. 5 days to go! My abs (which I can feel developing under a layer of fat) hurt a bit today from doing the work out yesterday. I like those days. The days I can feel my muscles are a bit tight but not so tight I can’t walk down or up stairs are good days. Instead of dwelling on how I haven’t lost pounds I’m going to celebrate the things I’ve noticed that have changed.

Here’s a convenient list for you to peruse:

1. My back fat is disappearing. When I glance in the mirror I can tell that my shirts are fitting a lot better in the rear. I can tell I’m thinning out back there. It’s a fun improvement.

2. My arm fat is disappearing. All those weight parts of the Shred are paying off. I have little muscles when I flex and the fat part that hangs down is less, well, fat part-y.

3. Endurance. I’m not getting so nearly red in the face when I work out now. But I’m still sweating an appropriate amount so I know I’m getting better at breathing through the work out.

4. My thighs are smaller. Woot!! It’s nice to see the difference 4 weeks of working out makes when you’re wearing tights. My tights fit way better.

I’m really proud of these little minor changes that likely only I’ve noticed. They keep me going on a daily basis.

Here is a pic of some tights I wore the other day under a long dress/shirt. Something I’d have been too “fatty” to think I could wear before and pull it off.

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February 26, 2013

24/30. Back on track! After my 6 day hiatus I finally did the Shred. I didn’t cough or feel terrible so I’m definitely ready to work out. I’m really excited to finish the Shred and start a new work out routine. As much as I like Shredding I definitely feel bored with it. Today I would have been done if I hadn’t gotten sick. Boo! I didn’t struggle with the work out like I thought I would after missing so many days. My muscles felt great, actually.

I still really like when Natalie cheats in season 1 of the Shred. She always makes me feel like we’re such good buddies, faking it while Jillian barks orders at us. Love you girl!

Just a few more days and I’m out of work out Shred!!

Back! Update!

I took 5 days off of working out because I had this really bizarre flu/allergies/sinus infection/cold crop up last week. I was going to try and ignore it but Sam told me I shouldn’t push through something like that just to work out a few extra days so I didn’t. I slept. My muscles feel great. I think I forgot I really needed a rest and that 30 days of strength work outs in a row is insane. I didn’t want to take off 5 days, I was only going to take off 2 but every time I laughed I had a 15 minute coughing attack so I was pretty sure all of Jillian’s hilarious jokes were going to send me into an arrhythmia. I’m going back to the Shred tonight and will do it for the next 7 days. After that I want to go into a real routine. 1 day strength, 1 day cardio, 1 day strength, 1 day cardio, rest day.

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I need to work on my diet. I don’t want to call it a diet, though, I just want to start making better choices. It’s all great and fine to work out all the time but without paying attention to the food I’m eating I’m not going to lose any amount of weight. I know I’ve lost inches, my pants are so loose right now they’re kinda falling off when I stand up, but my shirts still feel tight. In Sudbury over the weekend my Dad noticed that I’d lost weight. It’s nice to hear that everything I’m trying to do hasn’t gone completely unnoticed. I actually haven’t lost any weight at all but I guess losing inches might be better than losing weight.

Sam assures me if I up my water intake and start doing rest days I’ll definitely see results.

I decided against the Fitbit for right now. Partly because I feel really guilty I didn’t accomplish 30 days in a row and partly because it doesn’t sync with my Android phone yet. Once it sync’s and has all the iOs capabilities I’ll probably want to get one.

In way cooler news, I am super pumped about helping to organize my sister-in-law to be Chantale’s wedding shower in June. I have so many ideas I had to start a Pinterest board for them. I should have gone into party planning. I bet it’s not too late! We’ll see how this goes first, maybe, before I consider uprooting my pimpin’ lifestyle and going into a career that might make me less money than Arts Graduate.

 

Being Sick

Went to bed last night with a sore throat. Woke up this morning coughing. Visiting Sudbury always ends with me sick. Babies are such little incubators. Whatever Maddy has I always end up getting. I should stop letting her cough into my face while I read her 1500 books. But who am I kidding, she’s super cute, how can I say no to that face.

I’m trying to fend it off as best I can but I’m miserable. And to make matters worse, because I was sucking on a cough drop, I forgot to brush my teeth. I’m devastated about it. I want to run home right now and brush them.

I feel like I’ve never successfully defended an on-coming illness. I’ve been taking cough drops and cold tablets in an attempt to stop the real sickness before it can take hold. It means I’m going to cough all day at work and be exhausted by the time I get home. I won’t want to work out. I’ll work out anyway and then go to bed early. I’m already sad about this entire day and it just started.

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February 19, 2013

23/30. OMG. Woo! 1 week to go! I really like level 3. I find the stuff with the hand weights relatively easy and the stuff with the plyometrics relatively hard, so it’s a nice balance. Before the weight stuff killed me and I breezed through the cardio sections. Now I breeze through the weight sections and die during the cardio parts. I keep saying this but I really have to throw in cardio after or before a work out 3 times a week soon. Dave made me a banana-strawberry-almond milk-yogurt-honey smoothie. It was delicious. 1. Week. To. GO!

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To Jessica

2013-02-19 09.33.42I’ve known Jessica for 28 years today. Her dad and my dad grew up together a few streets over from each other and are the same age. They’re also both really funny guys. Jess was born less than a month after I was and we’ve been friends ever since. My dad even drove her mom to the hospital to cheer on her delivery. We’ve quite literally been friends since conception.

I like to pretend our dad’s planned to have kids really close together because they knew how funny they were as friends and couldn’t risk not having 2 people carry on that hilarity. I can’t even really begin to explain how close Jess and I were growing up.

Jess and I were essentially siblings, we were so close. We spent all of our time together. She lived at the top of the street, and I lived at the bottom. Every day I’d see her coming down on her bike towards my house. Somewhere around the bend her training wheels would pop right off and she would go flying into a ditch. But she’d still manage to shake off the injury and come over for the day. We’ve had a million sleepovers. Weekends were spent at each other’s houses, laughing and sneaking out and making up stories that only we’d think were funny.

2013-02-19 09.17.38When we were around 5 or 6 her family moved “really far away”. I was pretty devastated. I’d have to get a ride 15 minutes to see my BFF! The horror!! Somehow we managed to get over that first hiccup in our friendship and continued to be inseparable. We went to the same school all through elementary and high school and took mostly all of the same classes. We are similar enough that we get along really well, and different enough that we keep each other entertained. Throughout the years we’ve cried, we’ve laughed (so much), we’ve complained, we’ve changed, we’ve grown. But always together.

Jess and I were always welcomed at each other’s houses. Our parents basically raised us in tandem, whichever house we happened to be at that day was considered home. When we were in elementary school I would go down to her grandparents house to catch the bus. We’ve shared meals, stories, lives, for so long it’s hard to imagine not having Jess around, she’s just that integral to who I am. We helped shape each other as people.

2013-02-19 09.15.09Did we fight? Of course! What “siblings” don’t. Once in elementary school I lied and told her I had 2 horses and she went home and cried to her Mom about how sad it was she didn’t have any horses while I had 2. Her Mom still laughs at the fact she believed me enough to run home and start crying.

2013-02-19 09.02.30And  there have been real fights too, fights where we stopped talking for weeks, months, at a time. Those times hurt, but when you spend so much time with a person they’re bound to happen. We were young. We don’t hold it against each other because no matter how much time we’ve spent apart it can’t compare to how much time we’ve spent together. We have been there for each other at the roughest parts of life and I’m glad that we’ll continue to be there for each other during the best.

I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us. I know that wherever life happens to take us, we’ll always find something to laugh about together.

I love my BFF, Jess. Today is her 28th birthday and this post is her birthday gift. Have the best, brightest, happiest birthday day, my friend. Wish I was there to celebrate with you.

Love always, Stephanie
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February 18, 2013

22/30. 8 days to go! My back felt funny for a few hours after I got home, but I waited it out and felt better so I went for it. I really like level 3. It’s challenging and there isn’t an insane amount of weight stuff. I had to drop to doing push-ups on my knees again because you have to traverse in a semi-circle while doing push-ups and I’m not there yet. Rock star jumps are also tough. Actually, all the jumps are tough. At one point you have to do jumping jacks with the weights. I laugh the whole way through. Jillian does basically none of the work out, Natalie is virtually never shown. It’s basically an Anita work-out video in slow motion because sometimes Anita looks 120 years old with how slow shes’ moving. In level 2 she does these really funny step touches and I was never able to take her seriously. Sometimes when I’m trying to follow Natalie I have to just stop and follow Anita because Natalie isn’t in this season, you barely get to see her. 8 more days!!! I keep saying it. I’m really excited.

Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred Workout (2009)-

February 17, 2013

21/30. First day at level 3. OMG. Get real, Jillian. Somehow she thinks I should be able to do planks AND weights at the same time. She’s got to be joking. My favourite move was when we did Supermans. I’m pretty sure I looked just like Clark Kent. My sister had to tell me how to do some moves while she folded laundry behind where  I was working out because the video kept pausing and all I could hear was the audio. Then the video skipped from circut 2 to circut 3 and I ended up doing an extra cardio interval by mistake. Talk about not impressed. Kryssie and Jon made me 2 crepes after that though, so it was worth it. 9 days to go. 21 days down! I’m definitely in my zone. Zone. Zone. Zone.

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February 16, 2013

20/30. Out of level 2! Woke up at 7:30, didn’t even complain. Got up, put on my workout clothes, put on my workout shoes, put on the Shred and got it done. I’m really happy about it. It was really tough to do the Shred 10 hours apart. I won’t be doing that again. My muscles are getting sore. I’m on my way to Sudbury now. Can’t wait to see these ladies in these outfits tomorrow! 10 days to go!

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