Monthly Archives: August 2015


The last couple of days I’ve been getting very close to staying in the 170s, but with water weight it’s so hard to tell how much you actually weigh. For that reason I always only input my weight into MFP on Friday mornings. Sometimes on Monday I’ll weigh a lot less than I will on Friday and I’d go crazy if I had to keep seeing the graph go up and down, up and down were I to input my weight daily.

My goal going into this set of 6 weeks of Keto was to be down to 180. I decided to really focus on eating fats with every meal, and paying attention to snacking. I’m home all day watching Maddy so snacking can get tricky for me, there’s always something I can eat here, but that doesn’t mean I should just eat everything in the house all the time, Keto or not, calories still count.

Today I surpassed my goal of 180 pounds with 1 week to go! I’m pretty proud about it. I like looking at my downward progress, I’m only 10 pounds away from my lowest weight, I could do it in 10 more weeks if I keep seeing this kind of result. I’m finally, properly, in the 170s and have a week to go before our cheat weekend. Yay! I also haven’t complained to Dave one time about being on Keto this whole set, I guess I really am changing my food attitudes. Don’t let me quit. This seems to be working quite well, it’s hard to argue with data.

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168.8 was the lowest I’ve ever weighed. I think about that number a lot. Prior to my weight loss last year I once before managed to get down to 173 and thought that was pretty OK, but when I entered into the 160s I was proud of myself. But of course I floundered and gained 40 pounds.

Gaining weight makes you feel like such a shitty person. Losing weight makes you feel lots of stuff. Sometimes I feel very angry that I keep putting myself into a position where I have to lose weight over and over. Sometimes I feel proud at my progress, because at least I’m doing *something* about my weight. Sometimes I feel nothing at all, like of course I have to be on Keto cause I ate too much for 30 years and this is the next logical step.

I’m about 10 pounds away from 168.8, that’s probably another 15 weeks or so. I wonder how I’ll feel when I get there. Probably 493 different emotions. Weight loss, talk about an emotional rollercoaster.

Shopping Spree?

I have no idea how to put outfits together. I’ve never known how, frankly. I understand how colours and patterns work but that’s the extent of my outfit knowledge. Buying clothes when you’re overweight is pretty shitty and I’ve been overweight the majority of my life so buying clothes has always been a pretty shitty experience. I won’t buy clothes online because I know if they come in and don’t fit I’ll never send them back and then I’ll be stuck with them. So, clothes shopping is not something I’ve ever been very good at.

I’m currently 9 pounds away from what I weighed last summer before I gave up dieting/exercising so the clothes I do own are all finally starting to fit properly again but I still haven’t the foggiest notion on *how* to dress.

Dave and I decided to buy some new stuff this weekend, his jeans are basically falling off and I felt pretty schlubby in all the things I own.  He got several pairs of jeans, some shirts and a jacket. I bought some random shirts without really considering what I was buying them to go with. When we got home I was very confused about my purchases so Dave and I went through ALL my clothes, made outfits, donated any item that didn’t make sense and organized my dresser and closet. It felt cathartic to purge my stuff, I’m a big proponent of getting rid of clutter, even if that clutter happens to be clothing.

I felt OK after trying on so many things and seeing how far I had come since April. I occasionally wonder if I’ll ever feel attractive. Losing 20 pounds hasn’t seemed to do much for my self-esteem, I still see a very chubby kid when I look at myself. I need to mentally lose 20 pounds now that I’ve physically lost 20 pounds, I guess.


There’s a picture on my fridge of me in Burano, Italy in a green coat. I can’t tell you how much I weigh in the picture, but I’m guessing it’s probably around 200 pounds or so. The coat fit a bit tightly even over a t-shirt and as I recall the jeans I’m sporting in the photo were quite tight, I had to wait until the end of our Italy trip to wear them at all. burano fat
It’s a bit sad to look at this picture, to be honest. Not only because I was clearly not fitting into that coat, but because shortly after this I worked really hard and lost 30 pounds only to put it back on in less than a year.

After the success of putting on my winter jacket and having it fit a few weeks ago I thought I’d do the same with this jacket to see how I’m progressing.
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I definitely see a difference! The buttons aren’t popping out and the fabric isn’t pulling, for starters. Also, despite the fact that I’m looking down, my face seems to be thinner.

I decided to try on the coat I wore in Iceland too. Here is me, 8 weeks ago. My hands are in my pockets but I think you can tell the coat is slightly tight.
fat in iceland
Here’s me today in the same coat.
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It looks like it fits me much better.

I can be really hard on myself over gaining back 30 pounds (twice) in the last few years but posting photo progress makes me feel like at least I’m accomplishing weight loss, regardless of whether I gave up before.

Looking forward to not only fitting into my clothes better but also looking forward to getting new clothes when I’ve lost another 15-20 pounds and re-taking these photos at that weight with my jackets on to really see a difference.


My friend is getting married in 2 weeks and I told myself if I got down to 180 by the time he got married I would buy myself a new dress. On Friday Dave and I went shopping to get him some new dress shoes. He had tried on his suit and looked absolutely fantastic in it, I guess losing 25 pounds has really made a difference in how his clothes fit, but he needed some newer shoes. I weighed in at 182 on Friday morning and I didn’t want to put off looking too much longer so I thought maybe if I happen to find something while we’re out I’ll reward myself even though I was 2 pounds away from my goal. I figured if I kept at my diet over the next 2 weeks I will make it to 180 anyway.

It was nice that I could try dresses on at any store, frankly. That in itself is a major win. I ended up finding an $18 dress in a store I don’t think I’ve ever even been in before. It was miles too long for my 4’11 height but my sister is a pretty decent seamstress so I figured she’d be able to help out. She had to lop off about 6 inches but now I can walk around without having to hold it up!

Dave and I also decided to coordinate our outfits, cause he’s very into design and I’m very into matching. It took a lot of searching to find jewelry I liked but our finished look seems pretty spiffy.

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Dave looks great, as usual. And while I hate posting pictures of myself I think this one is pretty ok?

For comparisons sake here is a pic of me from April, 2 weeks before I started Keto. I think I finally see the weight difference.
I’m very glad I started this process, and for the weight I’ve lost. It’s good to look back at how far you’ve come because, as I said in last week’s post, sometimes little differences daily don’t feel like enough motivation. I have a long way to go but that’s OK, I’ll get there!


Weight loss is funny. While you’re dieting day to day you feel like you aren’t really accomplishing anything, the scale might go down a teeny, tiny bit, but overall you still feel like change just isn’t happening. I think it’s important to remember just how much work is actually being accomplished every time you don’t cheat on your diet, or you get the initiative to do some sort of workout.

On June 15th I weighed 190.8 pounds. I remember feeling like that was going to be it, I would just stall out at that weight and I’d never lose anymore. But here we are, 2 months later, and I’m currently 183 pounds. I am steadily losing 1 pound a week and I’m complaining about it because the big picture gets covered by the little every day picture, and the little every day picture has such minimal change that it’s easy to be frustrated by.

I have no reason to quit what I’m doing, I just have to remember that on June 15th I weighed 190.8 pounds and by June 15th next year I *could* be much,  much lighter, as long as day-to-day I don’t get down about how slowly the changes happen. Sometimes it’s smarter to look back instead of worrying about going forward. Sure I have 40 pounds to go, but I’m also down 20, and that’s something awesome!


I haven’t posted an NSV (non-scale victory) since I started keto. Even when the pounds aren’t coming off as fast as I wished they were, there are other things happening that keep me going.

A little background on my NSV: Last summer I bought a really great winter jacket. I had lost a bunch of weight and it was on sale and I couldn’t wait to wear it. I wasn’t small enough before last summer to buy the kind of clothes/jackets I want to wear. So the jacket sat in my closet for months until, finally, winter! Sadly when I put the jacket on it didn’t fit at all. I couldn’t do it up. I had gained too much weight, and I had bought the jacket a size down than I normally wear (you know, to account for all the weight I planned on losing). Terrible! I was so dismayed.

Fast forward to today. I decided to try the jacket on again.

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It fits! And not only does it fit I can sit down in it again! And those jeans I’m wearing are the ones I couldn’t even attempt to do up at the beginning of April! I can’t wait for winter (I mean I can, I hate winter, but when it rolls around I’ll be in my new coat!).

Yay, go me!

Update-y Stuff

We’ve been back on Keto for a week now. Crazy that it’s only 5 more until our next cheat weekend. Looking forward to working hard the next 5 weeks, and by working hard I mean eating lots of fat and paying attention to carbs!

I’ve lost another 1 pound since my stall a few weeks back so I’m pretty thrilled about it. I also fit into a pair of jeans I bought last year! I was just kinda squeezing into them a few weeks ago and before we went on our trip I couldn’t do them up at all. Months back I went out wearing them and I was so uncomfortable the entire night, I couldn’t wait to go home and take them off.

I guess if I don’t quit I’ll be able to wear my normal Fall shirts that were way too small for me in the Spring. Here’s hoping!