Tag Archives: fat

1st Goal Weight Met!

I finally hit my 1st goal weight. I set 160 as my goal weight on my FitBit way back in 2013 when I first got the device. It’s crazy to think how close I was in 2014 to my goal, just 9 pounds away, when I gave up and packed the weight back on over the course of a year or so.

Today when I stepped on the scale I was really overcome with emotion, it read 160.0, a weight I just assumed I’d never be able to reach. It’s not easy losing weight, except that it’s incredibly easy if you focus on it daily. By changing the way I eat and how I view food I’ve managed to lose 42 pounds (and let’s be honest it’s likely I lost closer to 50, I really should have weighed myself that first week we started keto).

I’ve gone on the occasional walk but as far as working out I’ve done very little of it. My previous weight loss attempts always included killing myself at a gym, but not this time. It’s so much easier for me to just say no to food and wait for cheat weekends (and complain) than it was for me to do low calorie + gym. I’ve lasted at least 6 months longer doing keto than I have doing any other weight loss regimes. So, 160 is a huge SV for me and I can’t wait to get into the 150s.

But things other than the scale are prompting me to continue on keto too. NSV’s are awesome. I put on my bathing suit a few days ago and it’s actually loose. All my coats are now quite big on me, even my Fall jacket from a few months ago seems maybe too big to wear for Spring. I’d love to say I’ve always been happy about my body but the more weight I lose the more I realize I wasn’t. I kinda like looking in the mirror now, and I’m not afraid of trying on clothes. Those are really big deals; bigger even than what the scale tells me.

I know I have around 20 more pounds to lose, and even then I might want to lose more, but I can see it now. I’m going to accomplish it. I just need to do it a day at a time and keep keto-ing and keep scheduling my meals and keep having planned cheat weekends to look forward to. I’ll get there, like I’ll for real get there. It’s sorta just dawning on me now and I’m really enjoying the feeling.

Update-y Stuff

We’ve been back on Keto for a week now. Crazy that it’s only 5 more until our next cheat weekend. Looking forward to working hard the next 5 weeks, and by working hard I mean eating lots of fat and paying attention to carbs!

I’ve lost another 1 pound since my stall a few weeks back so I’m pretty thrilled about it. I also fit into a pair of jeans I bought last year! I was just kinda squeezing into them a few weeks ago and before we went on our trip I couldn’t do them up at all. Months back I went out wearing them and I was so uncomfortable the entire night, I couldn’t wait to go home and take them off.

I guess if I don’t quit I’ll be able to wear my normal Fall shirts that were way too small for me in the Spring. Here’s hoping!

Weekend – Time

I’m going to Sudbury for the weekend. The plan is to work out on Saturday morning before we head in Toronto to pick up our friends and then drive on up to Sudbury. Tomorrow is my last day at level 2 on the Shred and I’m so excited. I’m really looking forward to moving on from this level. I’ve found it pretty rewarding and it’s gone by much quicker than the first 10 days. My plank still needs some work. I can plank the whole time without dropping to the floor but my jumps and twists feel really funny. I kinda want to take a video of me doing the moves to see just how ridiculous I look. Jillian looks so great when she planks, you can tell how strong and agile she is. I hate that B. How do people look so poised working out? I look like a fish drowning in water because it doesn’t know it’s a fish. Sometimes Hitchens lays right near where I’m doing skaters and I fear for her safety. She should know how uncoordinated I am, she’s been living with me for over a year now. Once when I was doing punches she walked right over my laptop and bit me on the hand, mid-punch. She doesn’t care that I’m trying to better myself, she just wants me to stop jumping around and sweating near where she sleeps.

168_8762287180_3174_nMy sister, Kryssie, tells me she will work out with me on Sunday and that she’s going to get the DVD ready. I told her she doesn’t have to use the hand weights but she used to do kick boxing so I’m sure she’ll be better than me. I’ll only have to do 1 day outside of my normal workout environment but for some reason I’m really dreading it. Yesterday I banished Dave and Hitchens from the bedroom while I worked out because I wasn’t feeling confident. Kryssie is way fitter than I am, so I hope she realizes she’s about to see an overweight person jumping around for 28 minutes and cussing.

406211_10151977955400571_278132173_nI’m excited to see my niece, Maddy. I wonder if she’ll want to work out with her mom and I. I bet she gives up though, I’ll have to remember to chastise her if she quits. She only weighs 30 pounds, plank jacks should be a breeze for her little arms and legs. Maddy will be 2 in July so she better start working out now, you’re never too young to develop your anterior delts as far as I’m concerned. I’m not going to be around forever to lift heavy toys for her. She’ll have to man up sometime.

268516_10150237395897181_582692_nI’m really worried I’m going to get to Sudbury and not work out on Sunday like I’m supposed to. Who wants to work out while visiting relatives? Talk about awkward/annoying for everyone involved. But I don’t want to give up on doing 30 days straight, because I can’t believe I haven’t missed 1 day yet. Even on the days where I really was gargling my heart and thought I was going to die (™ JM) I still didn’t give up. I’ve managed to push through all my mental blocks and complete the Shred before midnight whether I felt like it or not. I feel a lot better about how active I am and I’m even a little worried I won’t take a rest day even at the end of the 30 days. Little Steph would be proud of Big Steph, I bet. If only Big Steph hadn’t given up 2 years ago when she had already done all this work and lost 20 pounds! Big Steph would be well on her way to meeting her goal by now. Stop finding reasons to stop, Big Steph. Time passes whether the work gets done or not, so you might as well get the work done!

Weight (Loss) – Maybe Too Honest of a Post for Day 2

I stepped on the scale this morning for the first time in a few weeks. While I haven’t gained in the short time I stopped eating well, I haven’t lost either. I’m really great at starting something and then not following through. I can probably recite in chronological order all the times I’ve lost a whole bunch of weight only to give up at some point and gain it all back. I was the kid who played soccer for 8 years but you’d never have known it to look at me. My parents wanted me to be more active so they enrolled me year after year in soccer, and then spent the whole summer begging me to go to the games. I spent most of my time standing at the back of the team, hoping no one would notice I hadn’t played. Not only was I terrible but my team was really fucking great.  When I moved out of my parents house I had 7 championship trophies to throw out. How embarrassing is that? If you had seen those trophies you’d have thought I must have been a star athlete, but you’d have been wrong.

It’s not that I was terrible at being active, I was just terrible at wanting to be active. I really love swimming, and I’m pretty good at it. But you’d never catch me trying out for a swim team. Have you ever been really smelly at something while everyone around you is really awesome at it? Trust me, it doesn’t exactly inspire you to try harder, it just inspires you to crouch down lower in the back of the group.  I have this really vivid memory of being in goal once and the ball came to me and I made a save. The guy on defence had to run back and tell me to kick it up the field because I was in shock that I hadn’t let the ball in. Kicking it back seemed like such a funny joke to me. You want me to kick the ball I literally just caught? Haven’t I done enough?! What more do these people want from me! So I stood for what seemed like an eternity, trying to muster up the courage to kick a dumb ball the correct direction. Eventually I booted it and the guy on defence yelled “Nice!” I’ve always appreciated how much he tried to make me feel like I had really contributed that day, but looking back I can’t help but wonder if he was incredibly frustrated and shouting “Nice” was not his way of instilling confidence but instead his way of proclaiming “Nice, she didn’t screw up, whew.” Either way I’m scarred from that brief sports moment when all eyes were on me (and my weight). But I digress.

Circa 2005 I had just ended a really long relationship and was feeling pretty down. I tipped the scale at an embarrassing 217 pounds. I didn’t look good, I didn’t feel good. The last gift I had received from my ex a few weeks before our break up was a membership to the gym (which I had asked for). So I started to go. I went every day before work and started to see some progress. A few months in I stepped on the scale again and was pleasantly surprised that I had lost 17 pounds for my effort. I had a long way to go but seeing results was such a great feeling. For the next few years I would fluctuate between 172 and 194, terrified to go back into the 200’s. When I met my husband I was in really good shape and I was eating practically nothing. I was never hungry. But being in a relationship means dinners and dinners and breakfasts and lunches and more dinners. And I packed on the weight again over the first 2 years of our relationship. In 2011 I started to do something about my weight (again) and was seeing a lot of progress (again). Over 3 months I lost 20 pounds and was really beginning to feel great in clothes. Then I all but gave up when I hit a road block and for the subsequent year gained back the 20 pounds I had worked so hard to take off. At the end of 2012 my husband decided he wanted to do something about his weight, he had gained the “happiness weight” as well and was not used to being “fat.” We watched what we ate for 2 months and he got back down to what we were pre-dating while I managed to take off 10 pounds.

I started this blog because this is normally where I would have given up and slowly over a year gained the weight back again. I’m tired of losing/gaining/crying and then losing/gaining/crying. The thing that makes this time (hopefully) different is that I’ve admitted to myself that I am overweight and that it isn’t a bad thing, not necessarily. I have been dealing with weight my entire life. The way to stay accountable is not with a scale or having someone tell me not to eat something while it’s in my hands, it’s by documenting what works and what doesn’t work. I’m going to eat some really great terrible meals. I’m going to have days where I don’t work out and instead lay around, watching Vampire Diaries for 12 hours. I’m going to feel really bad about myself, and I bet I’m even going to cry sometimes. But I’m also going to remember that I can change if I want to. I can go to the gym if I want to. I can eat salad if I want to. It’s about balance. Without the days where I feel absolutely miserable, I won’t have the days where I feel absolutely wonderful. I know this sounds so self-help-y, but maybe all I need to do is help myself.

I’m never going to be the kind of active where I join a soccer team, but maybe I can be the kind of active that every once in a while I can look in the mirror, say “Nice!” and really mean it.


(I’ve said this a million times but) Day 1

In grade 9 I had a pair of really ugly corduroy pants. They were beige and had flowers all along the bottom of the pant legs. I bought them from Garage and I thought they were really great. By grade 10 those pants were sitting in the bottom of my closet, not getting the sunlight or water those ankle flowers so deserved. I had 2 really good reasons I couldn’t wear them any more  I was 4’11 and because European hemming didn’t exist in 1998, I couldn’t bring them to get hemmed at the risk of having the amazing flower pattern chopped off and I was busting them at the seams because I had gained so much weight. So the pants sat for a long while, until eventually I donated them to the Jarrett Centre.

Parting ways with those pants stands out not because they were the height of fashion and I was giving them away but because they were a size 9. They are the only pants I can remember that I bought that weren’t double digits. I should have never bought them in the first place, they bunched up funny in my crotch region because I am very short and they were made for tall, thin people but size 9 is the smallest I can remember my pant size ever being, and grade 9 was some 14 years ago now.

I’ve tried many times over the years to lose weight and be more active but what I’ve realized works best for me is having a place to log what I’m doing while I’m doing it. This website is for me. I want to write about my goals and setbacks, I want to write about how terrible and rewarding working out is, I want to write about how eating better and having cheat days is part of the battle and eventually I want to write about going into Garage and buying the ugliest pair of single digit pants that the store has to offer.