Tag Archives: successes

fitter. happier. more productive.

I’ve had this blog for a little over a month now. I’m starting to really feel better. I know I keep saying this but even though I haven’t lost much weight I’ve lost inches and have changed my attitude. Working out isn’t a chore, as much as I complain about it. Working out makes me feel great. It makes me worry less about how I look, believe it or not. When you’re overweight and you don’t love how you look I can guarantee it’s all you think about. You wonder if people are judging you for how fat you are or what you’re wearing. You worry about how you look sitting down. You worry about what you’re eating. You cry. Or at least that’s what it was like for me. Before I started this I would avoid mirrors, stare at thin people, stare at fat people, suck in my stomach, wear multiple layers to hide my gut, etc. But the main thing is I would think about weight all day long.

The most personal thing I’m willing to admit here is that I’ve cried a lot about weight. I’ve spent a lot of nights really upset at myself and how much I weigh. There’s no one you can blame for how you look except yourself (and genetics if I’m being really technical). Eating disorders almost sound plausible when you’re as upset about weight like I was. When I was younger I’d wish I could follow through with anorexia. I even thought I could do it for like a year and then stop doing it and be thin. I never tried it though, I knew I would be found out immediately. Food is a big deal when you’re Italian. Meals are the primary things a family does together. I would only be able to be anorexic for about 2 days before someone would have noticed I wasn’t eating. So I just kept crying. Every few months I would get worked up enough about how I looked that I would just sit in bed at night and sob.

The times when the crying stopped for long periods are the times I was going to the gym daily. I can remember this happening a total of 4 times over 10 years. With about 2 years of crying time in between my bouts of working out. Now I’m not saying I cry everyday, or even every week. I’d cry once every maybe 5 months or so. But they were really serious cries. I would lament how depressing clothes shopping is when you’re overweight. I would be mad that I love food for much. Eventually the tears would turn to laughter. I’m not good at being serious or seriously upset for very long periods. So I wasn’t a skinny minnie, so what! I had a great life, I would realize, I just have to stop quitting on what I’m trying to accomplish. Get a hobby, I would say to myself. Stop coming home from work and sitting around not doing anything and then crying about it later on.

I would always start off so motivated and then around the 2-3 month mark I would quit. I’ve gone through so many gym buddies, gyms, diets, routines. I’m like a fitness slut. I will try anything to lose weight but I’ll move on the first sign it’s working. Quitting happens because the changes start and I start thinking Oh I’m doing great, I don’t need to work out any more. Big mistake. Fitness is a lifestyle, a really annoying lifestyle you wish didn’t have to happen. If I’m serious about losing the weight I want to lose (around 50 pounds) I have to commit to working out and portion controlling myself for at least a year. And then maybe forever. It sounds awful, but it’s making a big difference in how I see myself and it’s only been 4 weeks.

I realized today that I’m not thinking about weight as much any more. Every 5th thought isn’t “I sure do look bad because I’m fat” and a mental change is exactly what I should have been working towards in the first place. As didactic as this will sound, you gotta love yourself. You gotta be happy with your efforts. You gotta stop letting yourself off the hook at the same time you stop putting blinders on to how you really feel. Admitting I was fat was key. Admitting I still liked myself was, well, more key. Being thin isn’t going to change me, it’s just going to make be a little bit less stressed when I go into a clothing store. Working at fitness every day frees up my mind from constantly dwelling on how big I think my stomach looks because I know I’m working at it.

No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping every single person who stayed on the couch.

I can tell you I haven’t cried once since I started this blog. I’m calling that progress. Not once in 2 months have I gotten so down on myself that I’ve teared up. I don’t want to quit in 2 months. I want to keep trying, and keep being fitter. happier. more productive.

I like where I see myself going. 1 pound at a time. 1 work out at a time. 1 happy thought at a time.

Thanks for reading my blog for a month, blog readers. Keep encouraging me! I definitely have felt the love.

thanks

 

February 15, 2013

19/30. What!!!!! 1 more day left of planking. I mean presumably the third level is done completely from the plank position but at least I’ll be able to say I beat Jillian’s 20/30 day Shred. I really have to start adding in cardio after the work out, I’m going to start trying to do that when I get home from Sudbury while I’m doing level 3 next week.

Most of my clothes are currently hanging up in my bathroom drying, so I had to shower in our guest bathroom after the Shred. I felt like I was in a hotel. I might do it more often for a fun change of shower pace. A lot of my clothes can’t go in the dryer, which used to be really irritating, but I realized I could hang them up in my shower and they would dry relatively quickly so I haven’t minded too much since then. Try it some time if you need to go easy on hydro/don’t want to risk having your clothes shrink in the dryer/don’t have enough room to put up a drying rack. It’s really convenient.

Tomorrow I have to get up at 7:30 and do the Shred. It will no doubt be very difficult. It means I have to do it in about 10 hours and then drive to Sudbury. I’m not looking forward to it at all. 20/30 will be a huge deal for me, it’ll be the longest work out streak in human history I bet.
2013-02-15 21.32.52

Setbacks – Successes

I’m still trying really hard to get up at 6:30 am for a work out but so far I’ve accomplished that 0 times. My plan was to work out at night once I got home but my bro-in-law is in town this week and I’d much rather visit him. I told myself as long as I worked out 3 weekdays and 1 weekend day each week I would feel really accomplished. But it’s Wednesday and I feel incredibly guilty for not going to the gym last night. Even taking 1 day off seems like such a failure on my part to commit. I’m not sure how to deal with this kind of guilt. I didn’t over eat yesterday, I didn’t make great decisions about what I was eating but I also didn’t kill myself with carbs and sugar.

I don’t want to focus too much on yesterday being a set back though, so here is a recent success. Dave, my partner, is a hobbier. He has so many hobbies I can’t even keep track of them. I was always really jealous about this. He makes the neatest things and I make nothing. Sometimes I would tell him about my ideas for what I’d like to make but, as usual, I’m so great at saying I’m going to do something and then not following through. My Nana is a really great knitter. She has made countless blankets, hats, scarves and mitts. When I was around 9 she started to teach me how to knit and I was getting pretty good. The problem was I never finished anything I started to knit. I made 1/2 a hat for my cousin when he was born, it stayed 1/2 a hat and he’s now 16 years old. I made 1 hobo-style glove and never bothered to stitch the ends together, so effectively I made 1 big piece of useless material. I never even attempted the other glove. I don’t know why I have a hard time wanting to finish projects, I didn’t find either of those examples difficult and I wouldn’t say I lost interest, at least I don’t think I did? Either way I am really tired of not being crafty. One of my friend’s friends posted something on Facebook at the beginning of January. You were supposed to make something for the first 5 people who commented on your status. I’m not normally one to go in for this kind of thing, but a non-crafty person has got to start somewhere. Even somewhere annoying like Facebook.

I decided since it was just after Christmas I would make everyone an ornament. Not something so overtly Christmas-y that you couldn’t hang it somewhere else in your house during the rest of the year, just something easy to make and hopefully not ugly. You have to remember, I was not certain if I had any skill at all at this point. I finally found this relatively simple to make ornament. I sent away my 5 little guys, pictured below, and made 5 more for my own tree. At this point Dave thought it would be a really fun project for me if I were to make all our ornaments for our 2013 Christmas tree. I really dug the idea of a long term project with a set goal in mind, something that perhaps had been lacking in my previous attempts to craft. I’ve been scouring the Internet for cool ideas since the beginning of January. Last night I started making my second bunch of ornaments, based on this tutorial, my own pictured below. You’ll have to use Google to translate the page for you, but it contains lots of really helpful pics that helped me along the way. Already I have a third project in the works which I think could turn out pretty neat.

I might not have gone to the gym, but I sure did accomplish something last night!

2013-01-06 19.36.57        2013-01-22 22.48.46