Tag Archives: weight loss

1st Goal Weight Met!

I finally hit my 1st goal weight. I set 160 as my goal weight on my FitBit way back in 2013 when I first got the device. It’s crazy to think how close I was in 2014 to my goal, just 9 pounds away, when I gave up and packed the weight back on over the course of a year or so.

Today when I stepped on the scale I was really overcome with emotion, it read 160.0, a weight I just assumed I’d never be able to reach. It’s not easy losing weight, except that it’s incredibly easy if you focus on it daily. By changing the way I eat and how I view food I’ve managed to lose 42 pounds (and let’s be honest it’s likely I lost closer to 50, I really should have weighed myself that first week we started keto).

I’ve gone on the occasional walk but as far as working out I’ve done very little of it. My previous weight loss attempts always included killing myself at a gym, but not this time. It’s so much easier for me to just say no to food and wait for cheat weekends (and complain) than it was for me to do low calorie + gym. I’ve lasted at least 6 months longer doing keto than I have doing any other weight loss regimes. So, 160 is a huge SV for me and I can’t wait to get into the 150s.

But things other than the scale are prompting me to continue on keto too. NSV’s are awesome. I put on my bathing suit a few days ago and it’s actually loose. All my coats are now quite big on me, even my Fall jacket from a few months ago seems maybe too big to wear for Spring. I’d love to say I’ve always been happy about my body but the more weight I lose the more I realize I wasn’t. I kinda like looking in the mirror now, and I’m not afraid of trying on clothes. Those are really big deals; bigger even than what the scale tells me.

I know I have around 20 more pounds to lose, and even then I might want to lose more, but I can see it now. I’m going to accomplish it. I just need to do it a day at a time and keep keto-ing and keep scheduling my meals and keep having planned cheat weekends to look forward to. I’ll get there, like I’ll for real get there. It’s sorta just dawning on me now and I’m really enjoying the feeling.

Stay The Keto Course

Sometimes I think keto isn’t working. I’ve been at this nearly 10 months now and I’m down around 40 pounds but for the last 2 months I haven’t lost a damn thing. Obviously I want to blame keto because it’s the easiest thing to blame but when I really thought about it this past weekend I realized it’s not keto’s fault I’m not losing weight like I was, it’s my own fault.

Once you lose a bunch of weight it’s so easy to slip back into old habits, so even though I haven’t been cheating on keto I haven’t been giving it 100%. Too much protein and too many calories are still something I need to be thinking about daily. This week I gave up diet pop and have been logging my food on MFP. I’ve been going for walks but I’d also like to get back into some sort of fitness, I’m thinking WiiFit. Back to basics. I still have a long way to go to losing all the weight I want but I haven’t gained in 2 months and that’s pretty great. I’m going to stay the keto course and see how well I do in the coming 9 weeks as I circle in to my 1 year keto-versary!


The last couple of days I’ve been getting very close to staying in the 170s, but with water weight it’s so hard to tell how much you actually weigh. For that reason I always only input my weight into MFP on Friday mornings. Sometimes on Monday I’ll weigh a lot less than I will on Friday and I’d go crazy if I had to keep seeing the graph go up and down, up and down were I to input my weight daily.

My goal going into this set of 6 weeks of Keto was to be down to 180. I decided to really focus on eating fats with every meal, and paying attention to snacking. I’m home all day watching Maddy so snacking can get tricky for me, there’s always something I can eat here, but that doesn’t mean I should just eat everything in the house all the time, Keto or not, calories still count.

Today I surpassed my goal of 180 pounds with 1 week to go! I’m pretty proud about it. I like looking at my downward progress, I’m only 10 pounds away from my lowest weight, I could do it in 10 more weeks if I keep seeing this kind of result. I’m finally, properly, in the 170s and have a week to go before our cheat weekend. Yay! I also haven’t complained to Dave one time about being on Keto this whole set, I guess I really am changing my food attitudes. Don’t let me quit. This seems to be working quite well, it’s hard to argue with data.

2015-08-28 12.25.23 Screenshot 2015-08-28 08.31.44


There’s a picture on my fridge of me in Burano, Italy in a green coat. I can’t tell you how much I weigh in the picture, but I’m guessing it’s probably around 200 pounds or so. The coat fit a bit tightly even over a t-shirt and as I recall the jeans I’m sporting in the photo were quite tight, I had to wait until the end of our Italy trip to wear them at all. burano fat
It’s a bit sad to look at this picture, to be honest. Not only because I was clearly not fitting into that coat, but because shortly after this I worked really hard and lost 30 pounds only to put it back on in less than a year.

After the success of putting on my winter jacket and having it fit a few weeks ago I thought I’d do the same with this jacket to see how I’m progressing.
less fat steph 2
I definitely see a difference! The buttons aren’t popping out and the fabric isn’t pulling, for starters. Also, despite the fact that I’m looking down, my face seems to be thinner.

I decided to try on the coat I wore in Iceland too. Here is me, 8 weeks ago. My hands are in my pockets but I think you can tell the coat is slightly tight.
fat in iceland
Here’s me today in the same coat.
less fat steph home
It looks like it fits me much better.

I can be really hard on myself over gaining back 30 pounds (twice) in the last few years but posting photo progress makes me feel like at least I’m accomplishing weight loss, regardless of whether I gave up before.

Looking forward to not only fitting into my clothes better but also looking forward to getting new clothes when I’ve lost another 15-20 pounds and re-taking these photos at that weight with my jackets on to really see a difference.


My friend is getting married in 2 weeks and I told myself if I got down to 180 by the time he got married I would buy myself a new dress. On Friday Dave and I went shopping to get him some new dress shoes. He had tried on his suit and looked absolutely fantastic in it, I guess losing 25 pounds has really made a difference in how his clothes fit, but he needed some newer shoes. I weighed in at 182 on Friday morning and I didn’t want to put off looking too much longer so I thought maybe if I happen to find something while we’re out I’ll reward myself even though I was 2 pounds away from my goal. I figured if I kept at my diet over the next 2 weeks I will make it to 180 anyway.

It was nice that I could try dresses on at any store, frankly. That in itself is a major win. I ended up finding an $18 dress in a store I don’t think I’ve ever even been in before. It was miles too long for my 4’11 height but my sister is a pretty decent seamstress so I figured she’d be able to help out. She had to lop off about 6 inches but now I can walk around without having to hold it up!

Dave and I also decided to coordinate our outfits, cause he’s very into design and I’m very into matching. It took a lot of searching to find jewelry I liked but our finished look seems pretty spiffy.

2015-08-16 12.29.21 weddingoutfits
Dave looks great, as usual. And while I hate posting pictures of myself I think this one is pretty ok?

For comparisons sake here is a pic of me from April, 2 weeks before I started Keto. I think I finally see the weight difference.
I’m very glad I started this process, and for the weight I’ve lost. It’s good to look back at how far you’ve come because, as I said in last week’s post, sometimes little differences daily don’t feel like enough motivation. I have a long way to go but that’s OK, I’ll get there!

C25K 2:3, The City

Tomorrow I have to start week 3. Week 3 is where you have to run for 3 mins straight. 3 minutes is not a lot of time but when you psych yourself out running 1 minute, 3 minutes is the longest time any one has ever had to run. I am sad that my week 2 ran into my week 3, but if I run 3 times by Sunday I’ll be back on track.

I really need to start eating better, I can run until the proverbial cows come home but if I don’t work on my eating habits I’m just going to be a fattie who can run 30 minutes without getting too winded. I don’t want to go on a diet. Diets are the worst. I just want to work on portion control and limiting the delicious bad stuff. Like pop. I need to quit pop again. I didn’t drink pop for about 3 years in my early 20’s. I quit it cold turkey during Lent. I’m not a practising Catholic but I still like the idea of having a set amount of time to try and accomplish something for yourself and I figured Lent was as good a time as any to give up pop for 40 days. Lent is a big liar though, because you actually have to fast for 44 days if you include Sundays, which you aren’t supposed to and are instead supposed to just do whatever you want on the Sundays that fall in Lent, but how is that helpful? You can’t quit something if every 7 days you’re allowed to go back to that thing. Pretty sure drug addicts going through NA would be thrilled if that were the case. This time I don’t know when I’m going to give up pop. Pop is definitely my biggest fat-thing. I can’t even switch to diet pop to wean myself off real pop, I get wicked headaches on diet pop.

So, I guess after this delicious carbonate lemonade I’m having currently I’ll quit pop. Again. Maybe I can switch to carbonated flavoured water? I do really like sparkling water, it’s just way more expensive than pop.

Today I tried to sign up for an Aqua Cycle class run through the City of Mississauga. I wasn’t allowed to register, however, because my postal code isn’t recognized as a valid one within the Peel Region. After 10 minutes of arguing with a clerk on the phone I sent a really mean email to the City. I feel like I’m being stopped at trying to participate in my community and be healthy. Amazing. No wonder no one ever tries to do anything in life, it’s too complicated. I guess on Saturday I’ll have to go in and register in person, which defeats the purpose of having the online registration open up a week early, but hey what do I know? Maybe this is how you run a City, no one knows what the other person is doing and a lot of money gets wasted. Sounds kinda accurate.

fitter. happier. more productive.

I’ve had this blog for a little over a month now. I’m starting to really feel better. I know I keep saying this but even though I haven’t lost much weight I’ve lost inches and have changed my attitude. Working out isn’t a chore, as much as I complain about it. Working out makes me feel great. It makes me worry less about how I look, believe it or not. When you’re overweight and you don’t love how you look I can guarantee it’s all you think about. You wonder if people are judging you for how fat you are or what you’re wearing. You worry about how you look sitting down. You worry about what you’re eating. You cry. Or at least that’s what it was like for me. Before I started this I would avoid mirrors, stare at thin people, stare at fat people, suck in my stomach, wear multiple layers to hide my gut, etc. But the main thing is I would think about weight all day long.

The most personal thing I’m willing to admit here is that I’ve cried a lot about weight. I’ve spent a lot of nights really upset at myself and how much I weigh. There’s no one you can blame for how you look except yourself (and genetics if I’m being really technical). Eating disorders almost sound plausible when you’re as upset about weight like I was. When I was younger I’d wish I could follow through with anorexia. I even thought I could do it for like a year and then stop doing it and be thin. I never tried it though, I knew I would be found out immediately. Food is a big deal when you’re Italian. Meals are the primary things a family does together. I would only be able to be anorexic for about 2 days before someone would have noticed I wasn’t eating. So I just kept crying. Every few months I would get worked up enough about how I looked that I would just sit in bed at night and sob.

The times when the crying stopped for long periods are the times I was going to the gym daily. I can remember this happening a total of 4 times over 10 years. With about 2 years of crying time in between my bouts of working out. Now I’m not saying I cry everyday, or even every week. I’d cry once every maybe 5 months or so. But they were really serious cries. I would lament how depressing clothes shopping is when you’re overweight. I would be mad that I love food for much. Eventually the tears would turn to laughter. I’m not good at being serious or seriously upset for very long periods. So I wasn’t a skinny minnie, so what! I had a great life, I would realize, I just have to stop quitting on what I’m trying to accomplish. Get a hobby, I would say to myself. Stop coming home from work and sitting around not doing anything and then crying about it later on.

I would always start off so motivated and then around the 2-3 month mark I would quit. I’ve gone through so many gym buddies, gyms, diets, routines. I’m like a fitness slut. I will try anything to lose weight but I’ll move on the first sign it’s working. Quitting happens because the changes start and I start thinking Oh I’m doing great, I don’t need to work out any more. Big mistake. Fitness is a lifestyle, a really annoying lifestyle you wish didn’t have to happen. If I’m serious about losing the weight I want to lose (around 50 pounds) I have to commit to working out and portion controlling myself for at least a year. And then maybe forever. It sounds awful, but it’s making a big difference in how I see myself and it’s only been 4 weeks.

I realized today that I’m not thinking about weight as much any more. Every 5th thought isn’t “I sure do look bad because I’m fat” and a mental change is exactly what I should have been working towards in the first place. As didactic as this will sound, you gotta love yourself. You gotta be happy with your efforts. You gotta stop letting yourself off the hook at the same time you stop putting blinders on to how you really feel. Admitting I was fat was key. Admitting I still liked myself was, well, more key. Being thin isn’t going to change me, it’s just going to make be a little bit less stressed when I go into a clothing store. Working at fitness every day frees up my mind from constantly dwelling on how big I think my stomach looks because I know I’m working at it.

No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping every single person who stayed on the couch.

I can tell you I haven’t cried once since I started this blog. I’m calling that progress. Not once in 2 months have I gotten so down on myself that I’ve teared up. I don’t want to quit in 2 months. I want to keep trying, and keep being fitter. happier. more productive.

I like where I see myself going. 1 pound at a time. 1 work out at a time. 1 happy thought at a time.

Thanks for reading my blog for a month, blog readers. Keep encouraging me! I definitely have felt the love.




Quick post for today, on something I’m having a hard time accepting.

dad and maddy

I have no patience, I picked up this trait from my Dad, who now has all the patience in the world. I want results to be instantaneous. Photo to the left is my Dad with his favourite human in the world, his granddaughter, Maddy. My Dad and Maddy go to swimming lessons together on Tuesdays every week. When I was a little kid I used to run around the block with my Dad, but I’m sure I gave that up by the time I turned 3. Don’t quit, Maddy! You don’t want to have to blog the pounds away like your dumb aunt! 

While I lack patience it’s not to say I don’t want to put in the work required, I just don’t want it to be such a long procedure that it takes months to see any changes. When I decided I wanted to make all the Christmas tree ornaments for our tree at the end of this year, I wanted to make them all right now without stopping. When I decide to clean my entire condo, I want to start first thing when I get up and not stop until it’s finished. When I decide I want to go out after work with Dave, I have a hard time waiting the 35 minutes extra it takes for him to get home so we can leave. I get ideas in my head and I have a really hard time when I can’t rush out and get the materials necessary to accomplish those ideas right away.

Weight loss is not conducive to this behaviour. Weight loss, unfortunately, takes a really long time. I do not want to take it one day at a time, I want to work out really hard for like 3 days in a row and lose 50 pounds. Why doesn’t that program exist? Ughh. Eventually I know I’ll make it to maintenance, where I can take more days off and worry less about what I’m eating, but for now it’s so annoying that big results take time and I’m only seeing little ones in the interim. Patience, Steph, all you need is patience.

The Scale

I really f’ing hate my scale. I know that I should focus more on how clothes fit and how I feel but every morning (and some nights) I jump* on the scale and get extremely down. I’ve taken to not wearing my glasses when I weigh myself, something about not being confronted with the number until I choose to be is helpful. I know getting the weight I want off is going to be a long process. Whenever I go up in weight any amount I get so frustrated. 1/3 of a pound sets me back mentally for days. I hate knowing that somewhere in my body more weight has taken up residence and likely thinks it’s pretty cozy in there. I wonder if I gained it in my arm, my gut, my thigh? I scrutinize myself in a mirror (when I’m bold enough to even look in a mirror) wondering where that fat deposit was, well, deposited and how long it’ll take me to remove it. Being overweight means constantly avoiding looking at yourself directly. I’ve gotten really good at not walking by mirrors. It’s a weird talent I’ve picked up that I don’t particularly like having.

So in February I’m not going to step on the scale. I’ll write down my measurements and my weight on January 31st and on March 1st I’ll take them all again to see how I did. I’m not holding my breath, but I’m also not going to shackle my mood to the number on a scale.

scale(I’d be thrilled with this #)

*Because I’m trying to shatter the thing.

(I’ve said this a million times but) Day 1

In grade 9 I had a pair of really ugly corduroy pants. They were beige and had flowers all along the bottom of the pant legs. I bought them from Garage and I thought they were really great. By grade 10 those pants were sitting in the bottom of my closet, not getting the sunlight or water those ankle flowers so deserved. I had 2 really good reasons I couldn’t wear them any more  I was 4’11 and because European hemming didn’t exist in 1998, I couldn’t bring them to get hemmed at the risk of having the amazing flower pattern chopped off and I was busting them at the seams because I had gained so much weight. So the pants sat for a long while, until eventually I donated them to the Jarrett Centre.

Parting ways with those pants stands out not because they were the height of fashion and I was giving them away but because they were a size 9. They are the only pants I can remember that I bought that weren’t double digits. I should have never bought them in the first place, they bunched up funny in my crotch region because I am very short and they were made for tall, thin people but size 9 is the smallest I can remember my pant size ever being, and grade 9 was some 14 years ago now.

I’ve tried many times over the years to lose weight and be more active but what I’ve realized works best for me is having a place to log what I’m doing while I’m doing it. This website is for me. I want to write about my goals and setbacks, I want to write about how terrible and rewarding working out is, I want to write about how eating better and having cheat days is part of the battle and eventually I want to write about going into Garage and buying the ugliest pair of single digit pants that the store has to offer.